Healing Hope Newsletter
August 2010
“I’m going to die.”
Wendy was a new writing student of mine who wanted to tell her story and knew she didn’t have much time to do it.
After the birth of her third child, this young mother of three had a hysterectomy and then a mastectomy. But before long, she was in so much pain she could hardly function. Tests showed that her vertebrae was almost completely taken over with cancer.
“I was straightforward with the doctor,” she told me. “Is this the kind of cancer you die from?”
He nodded gravely.
Along with the shock of her illness, the pain, medication and treatments made it hard to function. “I didn’t know if I should ask people in the church where my husband, Devon, was a pastor for help or let the Lord work it out. Then I realized that God expected me to ask. I had a phone, a finger to dial with and people on the other end who wanted to volunteer.” One person in the church acted as coordinator, and the plan went smoothly.
A Christian since she was a young adult and a Bible teacher, her faith was intact. She knew that God had given her eternal life through Jesus Christ. But the process of dying from terminal cancer was harder than anything she ever imagined.
When her youngest daughter learned that her mom’s cancer was terminal, she went berserk and wanted to know why she couldn’t have it instead. There was no easy answer to questions like those.
Wendy tried to let her family know when she was having a particularly bad day. But seeing her in pain and knowing her life was slipping away was more painful than anything they’d ever experienced.
For their sake, she had to guard her emotions carefully because her grief was sometimes overwhelming. In addition, she fought impatience constantly and the fear that she was expecting too much of Devon and the children. “I became frustrated because my husband’s busy work schedule didn’t leave much time for him to help at home. The kids weren’t experienced in doing housework, cooking and laundry and I could no longer do those things. So I had to compromise my standards and that was hard.”
The kids were sometimes resentful of what they were being asked to do. But a counselor told them that they weren’t doing mom’s work. They were doing chores normal for kids their age. Even harder for Wendy, however, was knowing that she was going to die and leave her kids They would have to grow up without her. “I had to guard my emotions carefully because my grief was sometimes overwhelming.”
At the onset of her illness, Wendy had been memorizing the entire book of James along with a friend. She said that his practical words kept reminding her to trust God no matter what. “When I became too sick to read the Bible, I listened to cassettes. But I wanted a human being to talk with about spiritual matters.” A friend came, read passages to her and they talked about whatever was on her mind.
When her parents asked if there was anything she wanted to do, Wendy had a ready answer. “Go to Disneyland!” So they packed up and went, with her in a wheelchair.
Knowing she was dying, Wendy wished she was a perfect wife and mother. But she realized that facing death doesn’t provide instant maturity. That did take place, however, the moment she went to heaven and into the very presence of God.
Blessings,
Marion
*Names have been changed
Websites:
http://www.marionduckworthministries.com
http://www.healinghopeonline.com
)
